Relationships Are Work!

No one said relationships are easy, they are hard work and full of ups and downs. Good and bad times. The real question becomes, whether that relationship is worth fighting for and working on? When you do find that person, are you willing to fight to make things work?!

I had recently started seeing someone who was a complete polar opposite of who I usually date. I prefer Spanish type women who have dark skin, dark hair and the qualities of being nice, sweet and generous. Pretty much the girl next store. 


But I pride myself on being an open minded person and dating all types of women no matter my preferred preferences. Because you may never know when you might meet the person in your life who blows your mind and change your life forever. However, if you don't gave them the opportunity then you'll never truly know. 

So back to my story; all the red flags went off initially, she was loud, disrespectful and came with a lot of baggage. From the beginning I knew she was nothing but trouble.


Even with all the red flags and I guess I was attracted to the fact that she was so different from anyone I had ever dated and she had the bad girl factor which drew me to her. Now I know why so many girls are attracted to the bad boys/assholes because of the unknown factor and just keeping them on their toes and guessing what they might do next.  


However their was just something about her, I guess you could call it that IT factor. She also had little moments when she would let me in and see her for the person she truly was and could be all the time a sweet, caring, loving girl. 


I wanted to give it a shot and see what could happen. I knew from the get go that this was not a chick I saw a long term relationships with because she didn't have any of the qualities I look in someone to meet my friends and family. 

Things continued on a roller coaster, an up and downward spiral. We consistently had very good times and very bad times. Things began to become unbearable and I had reached my limit. Was this person worth my time, energy and effort ?

I always told myself if the good times outweighed the bad then it was worth it but if it wasn't they get cut your loses and walk away. Theirs no point in being in a relationship where you argue half the time. It's unhealthy and toxic for you and the person you're seeing. Sometimes things can't be fixed and you just have to walk away. 

I'm not a quitter and at times I saw the potential of what a great person she could be. But then I realized that was just potential and you can't bank on someone becoming who they could be until they're willing too. However, we would like to think so and this is why many people continue to be in bad relationships.


Eventually I told all my friends and family about her and our issues. They all said the same thing"Apple why do you continue to talk to her, she sounds like trouble and nothing but drama and baggage. You're such a good guy, you deserve better and shouldn't have to deal with that."


I've always been the one giving my friends advice on these types of situations. "Why are you with him/her if they treat you like shit? Why do you continue to date assholes/bitches. You deserve way better and why can't you see that and walk away."But the roles had reversed and for the 1st time I was on the other side of the situation. 

So I know now why they continued to stay in those bad relationships and try to work things out. Because "Love is Blind," it will make you do some dumb things that are out of character. I don't know why but every time we got into a huge argument I would say I was done but after she said she was sorry I continued to take her back and work things out. 

For whatever reason I couldn't walk away, even thou she had put me through a tremendous amount of BULLSHIT. I have never let anyone disrespect me or treat me the way she did. I guess was drawn to her and saw the person she could be. 

I wanted to help her because she admitted she had some issues and I was willing to help her workout those issues because of the person she could become if she really wanted too. Which at that time I believed. 

I just want to clarify something, I know I'm not the painting the most gratifying picture of this girl and it may seem like I'm trying to demean her by saying she's not a good person. But I'm no saint either, I know a few of our issues and problems were my fault as well. I take full responsibility for those. She is a great person and has a good heart, when she chooses to be. I honestly could have fallen for this girl if she would have let me in and help her but things didn't pan out like that. I think we just bought the worst out of each other which is a shame. We both knew how to piss each other off and push the others buttons.

Long story short, every time I wanted to have a conversation about us and just a deeper conversation in general to get to know her better and she where she's coming from. She would continually push me away and self sabotage our relationship and continue to do and say things to push me away. I knew this because I've done this in the past with several women. 

She was jaded and didn't trust men because of her ex's had done to her in the pass. I told herI was nothing like them. I'm my own person and promised I would do whatever I could to make her happy. But she never really let me in because she was afraid of getting hurt and falling for me in my opinion. 


In the end the consistent arguing and fighting reached the limit. It became clear we were both on different pages and it was for the better that we sever our ties.


I wish her nothing but the best and wished things could have worked out but in the end somethings are not meant to be no matter how hard you try to makes things work. So unless both sides are willing to work on things, nothing will ever change. 

I don't believe you should change yourself for anyone. Unless you want to change and know you have issues to work out. No one is perfect, I know I have some things I need to change about myself. Therefore, here's my point if someone comes along in your life and willing to help make you into a better person, you should let them.


"You can only say I'm sorry so many times, if you truly care about someone instead on saying sorry all time you should show them through your actions instead of saying it."


I believe that your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, friend whatever should make you into better person and vise visa.